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County Longford, Wilder was the youngest son of Mathew Wilder (d.1719) of Castle Wilder, High Sheriff of Longford, and Eleanor Steuart (d.1729), co-heiress of her uncle General Sir William Steuart. His mother was a daughter of Captain James Steuart (d.1689), but after his death at the Siege of Derry, she and her brothers and sisters were brought up by their father's younger brother, General Steuart

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